This is the second article in the series, “The 12 Healing Tools“. These articles outline the things that I have found most useful in my journey to overcome childhood trauma and abuse, drug addiction, and debilitating depression.
By the mid-90s my drug days were coming to an end. I couldn’t handle the lifestyle. I was tired of chasing the white dragon every day. Tired of seeing my friends die. Tired of feeling like a total waste and hating myself for it. Just TIRED. Life was truly unmanageable as every waking hour was consumed by this substance. I wanted to finally be free from heroin and try to act and feel “normal”, though that was part of the reason why I started to use drugs in the first place – I always felt (and was told) I was ‘different’ and didn’t understand why.
Anyway… after several failed attempts at detox centers and 30-day rehabs, I was somehow admitted to Colonial House for a 90-day inpatient program.
Continue reading The 12 Steps
I write these words because I am 100% sure there are many more out there who have felt this way and/or are feeling this way right now. I want you to know that you are not alone. And there is a reason for everything that is happening in your life. Have faith, stay strong, keep seeking, and amazing things can happen.
As far back as I can remember, I felt like ‘reality’ wasn’t quite the way it seemed. And I especially knew that things were NOT the way those ‘grown ups’ in charge of me were telling me they were. It always felt like I was missing an important piece of the puzzle, like everybody was holding out on a key piece of information and I didn’t know why.
I remember things that my family tells me I shouldn’t remember – I was too young to remember they say. I feel like I came into life with a lot of memories. Memories that most of us want to forget when we embody, that blissful state of amnesia we choose to operate from most of our lives. But some of us ask to remember, NEED to remember – so we can do the work we came here to do. I am one of Those.
Continue reading A Burning Desire to Know the Truth of Reality
Things have been at a virtual stand still since I moved back to Pennsylvania in December. I taught two free yoga classes over the last seven months which is a [painful] first. I’ve been teaching yoga consistently since I graduated from the Sivananda TTC in 2010. I MISS IT!!!!!
So, as usual, when I don’t know what else to do, I volunteer! I find that helping others (karma yoga) is incredibly rewarding on so many levels. I am grateful that I got accepted to work at the Sat Nam Festival and am looking forward to serving on the registration team. Also be sure to check out all of the great campaigns funded by the Sat Nam Foundation. Good stuff!
On this day when many have given their actual lives to fulfill their karmic destinies [read about Arjuna’s dharma as a warrior in the Bhagavad Gita], I decided I should start blogging about the things that have helped me overcome (or at least manage) some of the cards I’ve been dealt in this lifetime — as part of my service to humanity. Perhaps this small step will push me into writing that book so many astrologers and psychics have told me I’m destined to write! Lol
I will outline the ways that have helped me here and go into each of them in more detail in the following weeks. I will list them in the order in which they appeared in my life:
- A Burning Desire to Know the Truth of Reality
- The 12 Steps (or “Street Vedanta”)
- Service to Others
- Pranayama / Breathwork
- Self Love
- Energy Healing
- Human Design
STAY TUNED! This could be good… ;-P
We are all sent here to EXPERIENCE, to make the Divine Consciousness more whole and complete. We can help to answer the questions: What does it mean to be human? What are these emotions? What does this version of consciousness feel like? What is Love and can it really conquer all?
As humans, we forget The Experience, the Divine Play. We get wrapped up in it. We identify with our role and forget that we are all merely actors, cells in the right hand of God.
How do we get back to our Essence?
Forget attachment to the results of ANYTHING. Let go of the EGO. Simply play your part as one piece of the greater whole. Experience and savor every moment, every emotion, every thought, every THING — “good” or “bad”. Want money? OK. Go for it, but don’t make it your sole purpose. Want a family? Experience the joy of that sacred community but don’t let it own you. In all things material, work for the greater good and keep in mind that moderation is the key. And if the mind experiences suffering, then attachment and ego are involved. So check yo’self before you wreck yo’self.
We are the wave and the ocean. Remember.
In December 2014, I made my way across the country to start a new life ‘somewhere’ in New Mexico. All I knew was that I needed a place to heal, to rest, and rejuvenate. I had basically burned myself out giving too much: to my relationship, to my family, and to the yoga studio I was running from home. I was disillusioned by the yoga “scene”, by my yoga lineage, and I didn’t even want to think about teaching or doing any kind of healing work again any time soon. So when I found a place out in the middle of nowhere with a meditation cave on the property, I knew I was home. Nature always gave me comfort as far back as I could remember, so I knew being surrounded by Her would play a key part in this healing process. And I would have the time and space for my meditation practice, and to reflect, journal, and make art again.
“The grief you cry out from draws you toward union. Your pure sadness that wants help is the secret cup. Listen to the moan of a dog for its master. That whining is the connection. There are love-dogs no one knows the names of. Give your life to be one of them.” — Rumi
Continue reading Reflections on My Year in (relative) Solitude
As a Reiki practitioner, I’ve often felt the connection between the heart chakra and the 2nd chakra, located near the sex organs. If anything, it made my “work” easier: most people I came across had unresolved issues stuck in their emotional centers at the heart and in the pelvis, so all I had to do was focus on treating these areas and that helped release a lot of “stuff” for my clients. It made sense to me. Relationships are difficult and many things go unprocessed and that energy gets stuffed into these emotional centers.
Today, however, I was presented with a heart – mind connection. Trying to live life through the logic of the mind (as a psychologist) led to very real difficulties with the heart, so much so that reparative heart surgery was required for this person.
Continue reading The Heart – Mind Connection
It seems that life is changing so quickly these days. From the predicted amount of snow to the actual amount that falls to the ground, it’s hard to know which way is up some days. They say this is the way it will be in these times and only those that can stand on their heads will be able to see which way is up. The Gita says that life is like a public inn, people come and people go and there is no need for attachment. And I agree. But these little gems of wisdom can be difficult to accept at times, for sure.
“One does not become enlightened by imagining beings of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” — Carl Jung
Continue reading Changes
Once the soul awakens, the search begins and you can never go back. From then on, you are inflamed with a special longing that will never again let you linger in the lowlands of complacency and partial fulfillment. The eternal makes you urgent. You are loath to let compromise or the threat of danger hold you back from striving toward the summit of fulfillment. –John O’Donohue, Anam Cara
“You know, like, what are you looking for?” That’s what the old guy said to me yesterday. I didn’t want to tell him that I came here looking for a place to belong, a place to call home.
I thought when my partner and I got together, that despite all the odds, I finally found a great guy, that we would share a life together, and that I finally had a place where I would be loved and cherished no matter what, a place that I could call home. This is not how it’s turning out, that’s for sure.
So I am here in the middle of Mexico, in San Miguel de Allende, waiting for the final verdict: will we stay together or not? It seems like there’s no way we can; but even with all the damage done and the cards stacked against us, I still feel like there’s a chance it might work out. Crazy. I know.
Continue reading So why are you here?