Equinox +

September 22, 2019. The Fall Equinox. It feels like a pivotal moment in time, in my life. I want to change my way of being, the way I’m living, what I’m doing, and what I’m consuming on a day-to-day basis.

As summer moves into fall (and then inevitably into winter), I feel the need to pull back, to reflect, and become more introspective. Outwardly, I am also being somewhat forced to do this in ways I could not have imagined a few short months ago.

Nathan and I have been trying so hard to make it all work here at Drager Farms. Trying this thing and that thing and one thing after another, in the hopes that *some* thing will work. I sense that Nathan feels obligated to his grandfather and his great-grandfather to continue the family legacy, so I try to help in any way that I can – knowing full well that this farming life is not necessarily my path – but I want to support his happiness and his path. But god damn.. it is so SO hard.

I come from a family of farmers too, rooted in West Virginia. My grandmother always said, “Farming’s a hard life, but it’s a good life.” I hear her words so often lately because I now completely understand what she meant. And maybe now, in today’s economic and political times, her statement is 1,000x more true.

I had no idea that the government could tell you what you can and cannot do on a “privately owned” land. It seems like the more Nathan and I try to become independent entrepreneurs, living off the land in a sustainable (and hopefully exemplary) fashion, the more the ‘powers that be’ look over our shoulders and shake their fingers at us like, “Uh, uh, uh… We see you… Now you *know* that’s not what good children should do until WE say it’s ok.”

I just.. I don’t.. even. I don’t. know.

So I ask: Do you actually KNOW what it means to be a farmer today and why things are the way they are with GMO corn and soy everywhere you look and concentrated animal feeding operations as the status quo? Please get ready to dive in deep……………….

Continue reading Equinox +

Trust Your Treads

Tonight I walked out to the barn to turn down the heat since an event I was supposed to hold the next day wasn’t going to happen. As I walked, I realized I was walking down our driveway with ease and without fear – without a flashlight in the dark pretty darn near the new moon – knowing it was covered in snow and ice in spots. Once I realized what I was doing, my truck-driving-farmer-fiancé’s voice came to me: “Trust Your Treads”.

Those simple words hold so much meaning, don’t they?

The first time he spoke them, he was driving quite fast through a snowstorm. I was nervous. And that’s what he said because he had years of experience “trusting his treads”.

I made it to the barn safe and sound because I didn’t really think about it. I was enjoying the crisp air, the clear starry sky, and the crunching of snow under my feet as the dog pranced along happily beside me. I was present, in the moment.

On the way back… a whole other story: I thought about it. I got nervous. The ‘what if’s’ got to me and I tensed up, losing my footing a couple of times.

It always amazes me how the mind can play tricks! So like my wise man says, you just gotta “TRUST YOUR TREADS”!

Could This Be the Reason Why the Mayan Calendar Ended in 2012?

So I FINALLY made it to Belize to see the Mayan ruins. (And many other things that were totally unBELIZEable!) One of the most interesting things? A discussion with one of our shuttle drivers about how he could no longer tell time by the sun. !!! He said that now, what used to be 12:30 pm according to the sun, was now actually 1:30 pm.

Continue reading Could This Be the Reason Why the Mayan Calendar Ended in 2012?

On Witnessing Birth and Death

Divine Force, Primal Force: to You I Bow. Rising Up, Divine Mother: to You I Bow.

Where to begin with this one? I guess I will start by saying that I — as many of us have — had the blessed honor of welcoming in the embodiment of the Divine and seeing its exit from this plane on more than one occasion. Is there any honor greater than these, to see a soul birth into Being or to see a soul birth into Spirit?

I was quite young and naive when my own daughter was born. But I remember how special the moment was when she took in her first breath and how quiet she became merely by being held by the person that gave her Life. My eyes still tear up at the thought of it. It was truly love at first sight. And I am continually amazed at the unconditional love I feel for my daughter to this day.

After that, there were many years that were touched by death, but I chose to avoid the finality of it. Illnesses, addiction, and old age took my friends, family, and lovers, but I chose to keep my distance from such a dark and dire subject.
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Once the soul awakens

Once the soul awakens, the search begins and you can never go back. From then on, you are inflamed with a special longing that will never again let you linger in the lowlands of complacency and partial fulfillment. The eternal makes you urgent. You are loath to let compromise or the threat of danger hold you back from striving toward the summit of fulfillment. –John O’Donohue, Anam Cara

Lines from the Air

Clouds like a laughing Pan,
Lying back with pipes in hand.

Smiling sharks. Selfies of orangutans.

Berry fizz
Orange swamis

Days filled with blue skies, ocean waves, drifting.

What is Real?
Where do I begin and where does it all end?

Maya
Brahman in a million parts

Shattered stars
Broken dreams
Love gone wrong

Traveling across the desert sands, a million years, a million miles gone by…